I have to make myself care. I have to take it personally, I must feel that it is important for me to write this, for myself, I must feel that it is worthy of writing. If it wasn’t worthy, then why should I spend any time on it? It is worth writing about. I have to maintain that feeling. I have to maintain that it is important and I have to feel some sort of urgency about it all. Like I need to get it done right away. That it is more important than reading about the stock market or internet forums or any other garbage not related to the task at hand. I could maybe see it as a writing exercise. Learning to write objectively so that later on I may write creatively. Objective writing is hard for me, writing with a purpose, a theme, a goal, a set end and a set beginning and things to prove. It should be easy since you can break it down and you know what needs to be said, it just needs to be extracted from your addled brain. Perhaps you should limit the putdowns and try to think positively. How can you expect people to do work for you if you put them down? That applies to yourself as well. People in a happier environment will get more work done because they are generally more content with their working lives and there’s nothing stopping them from getting work done. Presumably if they are happy at work there is an absence of politicking and crap like that, which takes time away from productivity. You need to function at a higher capacity. I know you can do it. Oh no, the season finale is on tonight and you have to watch that. Well, then, you better get some work done now so you don’t feel like a total shit for not doing any work tonight. I guess that also means that you’re not going to the gym, but you can do sit ups in front of the TV, or at least sit on that bouncy ball that you bought two years ago, for god knows what. It seemed like a really important purchase at the time, it was going to revolutionize the way I sat and the way I exercised. I was going to exercise ALL THE TIME. Yes, indeed. I hope these ramblings don’t make me as crazy as that guy I read about in the paper today. There is a danger in writing things electronically, they can all be traced back to you and even if you don’t mean them, even if it’s fiction, how are people to know? They don’t know, because they are not in your head, they don’t even know if it’s you that’s typing or someone else using your computer or your account. So many possibilities.