Epiphany

This weekend I was thinking about human existence, and why are we here. Really, what for? We keep changing the world, time passes, our world changes, mostly because we are doing stuff to it, adding things, building things, using up resources, how did the world get here? What happens when everything is gone? Could everything really be gone someday or will there always be something. Is it possible for everything to be destroyed, even if it was, the destruction would still be left right? Could anything survive? Bacteria? Cockroaches? It’s a weird feeling to have no control over weather or time or life events. And our lives keep changing but lives of animals and plants are pretty much the same as they’ve always been, comparatively at least. They are not really benefitting much from the technology, they might be growing faster or living longer, but it is not for their benefit that we engineered those happenings, it’s so that we could raise them and eat them or extract some sort of resource out of them. 

It’s kind of pointless to think about these things I suppose, because really, there’s no answer. I will not discover the meaning of life, I guess there really is no one meaning to life, you just have to find out what you want to do, or to be and do the best you can. I guess that has to be your purpose, to find a purpose in life and as long as you are working toward that or searching for meaning, in something, then I guess that’s what you are supposed to be doing. 

I guess that’s why there are things like art and music. Otherwise we would go crazy if our lives consisted of ‘working’ day jobs. There’s no joy in creating business or making money for a corporation, being a cog. I suppose there is some joy of accomplishment, but are you really contributing to a better world by increasing profits? I don’t know. 

I have no idea what I want to do. Ideally, I would do nothing. Nothing of immediate importance that would involve life or death situations. Nothing that involved lots of pressure or stress. But that is not really feasible, so I think I have to look for a position as a cog that allows me enough free time to do other things that make me forget that I’m a cog. I don’t know what those things are, but I like to read. I like to type, I sometimes like to think about things, but sometimes I think it hurts to think and it takes up a lot of time and doesn’t always accomplish anything at all. There are no big epiphanies, but I guess spending a lifetime thinking and having even only ONE epiphany would make all that time spent thinking worth it. I like that word, epiphany.